Lock Sam Up

Welcome to the Lock Sam Up website, restored and rebranded under the www.southendsrock.co.uk banner due to the unfortunate demise of Geocities.

One could question whether Mr Lacey was in fact behind the sudden disappearance of the Geocities web-browser…but anyways, the Hambleden Department of Thames Valley Police have been quick to act and move the key website information across to ensure its lasting posterity.

Mr Lacey was first spotted committing grievous harm to locals in the Hambleden area in April 2004 (see reports below) and has since repeated further crimes against the community as documented on this website and the connected forum. Reconstructions of the attacks have been created using body doubles to try and jog people’s memories of events and to help catch Mr Lacey even sooner.

Remember: If you don’t report, he won’t get caught!

To visit the Forum created to discuss incidents involving Mr Lacey’s attacks (and also general banter):

While most of the information has been condensed onto this page, for the reconstructions of some of the fatal attacks please visit:

Recon 1 – Mr Lacey and the Bird

Recon 2 – Mr Lacey and the Bridge

Southend Roadtrip

Recon 3 – Mr Lacey and the Boat

Recon 4 – Mr Lacey and the Barn

. Advice .

The following was been taken directly from the Thames Valley Police FAQ page:
Much of the Thames Valley’s countryside is particularly beautiful, peaceful and idyllic, and it can be easy for visitors and newcomers to lower their guard against crime. However, although crime is much less common in rural areas it does occur, and carelessness can be an opportunist criminal’s greatest ally.
By taking some basic steps to protect yourself and your property, you can make life much more difficult for them.

Three important general points to remember:
· the vast majority of offenders are not local, and often travel some distance to commit their crimes in rural areas
· pay attention to people you’re unfamiliar with or suspicious of. Make a note of their appearance and the details of any vehicles they are using, including registration numbers, and if possible of damage or other distinguishing features. Travelling criminals can and do use hire cars, so make a note of any hire company details if you can. All this information can be a great help the police if there is an incident in your area
· don’t judge a book by its cover. Although criminals sometimes appear scruffy they are often smart and well dressed.

The following message is from the Hambleden Chief Officer:
"I wish to reiterate the advice given above for rural dwellers. Although most offenders are not local, Mr S Lacey is an intruder within our midst. Claiming to live a simple life on the isolated farmstead 'Bolter End Farm', Mr Lacey has already carried out a number of offences and must therefore be controlled. Our advice - be wary of his next move. You should be highly suspicious of Mr Lacey by now, but if your not, be suspicious! Feel free to make a note of any strange behaviour noticed from Mr Lacey (you may need a very large notebook) and of any distinguishing features. Finally, offenders can appear intelligent and well dressed - although we don't perceive this to be a trait of Mr Lacey. We thank you for your support and hope that, with your input, we will be able to lock Sam up."

. Reports .

The following is a list of attacks that people have suffered from Mr Lacey. If you have suffered, please don't hesitate to e-mail me. I will try to post reports as soon as possible. The more I receive (please don't make too many up - may look unrealistic), the sooner we may be able to lock Sam up.

Report 1 Date: 25/04/04 Location: Hambleden Youth Group

The following report is straight from the horses’ mouth. At Hambleden Youth Group, Mr Lacey admitted to, while partaking in a harmless activity, punching Kate in the face and causing nasal damage.

Possible Witnesses: Hambleden Youth Group Members

Report 2 Date: 18/04/04 Location: Hambleden Youth Group

The following report has been submitted by Clemmie. Referring to Mr Lacey - "On the first night at our new residence for youth group we were all exploring Mem and I were walking in front of everyone else and Sam jumped out at us trying to attack us but luckily we had managed to keep our footing & escape his fists and once he realised he wasn't getting anywhere we started to run and we chased him but unfortunately he had a get away car and we couldn't catch up with him and it was to dark to get the number plate”

Possible Witnesses: Hambleden Youth Group Members

Report 3 Date: 2/05/04 Location: A bridge in Hambleden

The following report has been submitted by Kate. Referring to Mr Lacey - "when I was taking an afternoon walk in the village of Hambleden, I rested for a moment upon a bridge, only to discover the offender himself nearby to myself. As I was seated, I was feeling slightly nervous as I was unsure of his next move. Then, to my horror he moved closer and proceeded to attempt to push me off the bridge. If he had succeeded, I would have horrendous injuries, and may even have been killed”

Possible Witnesses: Hambleden Residents

. Solicitor’s Response .

Being the most professional police force in the UK, we feel that we should incorporate the following message from Mr Lacey's lawyer, Xavier Krodas QC, even though we know very few people will care about Mr Lacey's opinions and many will (and regularly do) dismiss them completely. Feel free to read his statement, if you can be bothered.

For the immediate attention of Hambleden Chief Officer:

My client does not wish to discuss the recent allegations raised against him. He has however allowed me to express his disappointment in not only the content of the allegations, which is based on circumstantial evidence, but also in the manner in which the matter has been raised. Rather than use the proper sources to raise the issues involved questionable media mediums have been used to spread information charges would be sensitive to. I see this as an irresponsible action which has jeopardised my client's chance of a fair trial. Not only this but it violates section 13 of the Human Rights Act because it 'communicates hatred or contempt'. I would also suggest that the mental state of persons vital to the case against my client are somewhat questionable, stopping the allegations against my client from being reliable.

Yours Sincerly,
Xavier Krodas QC,
Mr Lacey's Personal Solicitor